The scene – Grow Hackney smoking area. A quirky, canal side space with dance floor, bar and vibes. Run by the people, for the people. A flowing Saturday night.
Conversations of life drifted over smoke from cigarettes and joints. Strangers and friends interspersed, settling wherever space was found to talk and joke.
“I love myself,” I said to Anna.
“There’s nothing like a good bit of narcisisum.” She said, dryly.
“Is it a bad thing to say I love myself?” I asked.
“Well it is when it’s so ego-centric. It’s vulgar, actually. It’s a statement that says “fuck you guys. It’s me over you. I’m the only one that matters.”
“But I didn’t mean it like that,” I replied.
“Oh, well, how did you mean it then?”
I took a few moments to draw my thoughts together.
“I love myself because in my love I allow myself to be tender and nurturing towards myself. I invite myself into myself where I can be. Self Love allows me to pause and turn away from the life I’m constantly being told is the desirable one to live and which endeavours to beat me down and pull me away from myself. Self love protects me, as though I were in utero again. Loving myself is the precursor to self-worth, which in turn emboldens my self-belief and confidence.”
It’s an ongoing process and remembering to show myself love requires continued revision and application. We all are deserving of our own tenderness.