I wanna talk about erotic love and intimacy.
It’s all well and good presenting the facade of a stoic as I endeavour to manifest the better world that lives in my heart, however appearances can be deceiving. It’s also important I lean into vulnerability and share the fullness of my life and experiences, because every one who wishes to create the better world will undoubtedly go through similar situations or circumstances.
Yesterday I fasted. For health I said. It had got to lunch time and I hadn’t eaten, so I thought why not carry on till evening.
However, I broke my fast. All it took was a message from a French chick. She wanted to samba.
I couldn’t go out on an empty stomach I told myself, and ate a shitty frozen pizza. I mention this, because I find it remarkable how easy it was to give up on a commitment when something shinier, more tempting turned up.
I’d picked up the old threads of a casual relationship in the hope of appeasing my heartache caused by a woman for whom I feel the beginnings of something powerful for. I never thought, I say humbly, that I’d be in the position of the unrequited lover.
So, acting from a place of grief, I shunned my commitment in the hope of feeling the intimate embrace of another. Sadly, this femme fatale was a player and one of her lovers turned up late to the samba – somebody she’d planned to meet originally, but who she thought had cancelled. We’d spent time together and shared some touching moments, so when this eventuality unfolded, I took my coat and left.
I was left to reflect on my position on the Northern line from Old Street to Clapham. I got into a conversation with a guy about Robert Greene’s book The 48 Laws of Power, which he clutched in his hand. A synchronicity perhaps. I will get the book and read it, as it found me in a moment of need.