Presently I’m living on hope and a prayer. Not entirely, but almost. I find myself a few thousand miles from the land of my birth, which I was last on in June 2018. I’ve been on the move for eight months and have found myself at a point in time which has called me to make a decision – to go deeper into the world or to return to the life and the person I was.
I don’t believe in returning, only in moving forwards, like the fast flowing river, to it destination and completion. I am blood in a vein and have passed through the valve of Aluantu, a utopian space in Northern Patagonia, Chile, in which I’ve experienced my first deep dive into community life.
Through my choices I am saying yes to living a life of soul (to read my poem about what that means click here). I am saying yes to living out my potential to its fullest, wholest possibility. I have faced the terror of my commitment and swallowed many an anxious gulp whilst lying in my tent at night, alone with the darkness and my imagination.
Feeling as though I am out of control, has inspired my angst and doubts. Yet my decision to move on in my journey and process, to go deeper, has required me to continue practicing and participating with my belief of radical trust; which essentially means to trust in myself, and to trust in life completely. It’s like running off a cliff and knowing I will not fall.
I’m learning there’s submission in trust. A letting go of control, embodying a sense acceptance, whilst being content with my situation and circumstances.
Trusting is possible, because my heart is on fire, burning – driving me on to be ferocious. Although, to speak of ferocity and to live from it does not mean to be aggressive, or violent. It means to be graceful, committed, poised in action and presence, ready to move when feelings and circumstances call and unfold. From this position, I’m sensing and seeing that life’s unfolding has a rhythm of its own.
In this unravelling, I am following a golden thread. Despite only seeing where my next step will lead, I sense I know where I am going. The vision in my mind is becoming clearer with each new day. My passion for village and its cultivation is burning.
In service, and love,
There is a thread you follow. It goes among things that change. But it doesn’t change. People wonder about what you are pursuing. You have to explain about the thread. But it is hard for others to see.
You hold it, you can’t get lost. Tragedies happen, people get hurt or die, and you suffer and get old. Nothing you can do can stop time’s unfolding. You don’t ever let go of the thread.
– William Stafford